is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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