Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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