We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You took a bar mat shot.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
