they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
