The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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