are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize