textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
