you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
