I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
