I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
