So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
