oh god the rape fog is back!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
