I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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