Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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