I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
