1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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