i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
