Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
