We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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