Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
