Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
