Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize