can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
