she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
