I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
