I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
