Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
