so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
