I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
