tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it hurts more in the daytime
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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