I have demons in me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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