ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
