I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
