The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize