she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
