not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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