Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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