Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
