I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I love you.
Bad choice
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