Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Randomize
