i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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