They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
