I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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