meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Randomize
