I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
