you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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