I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
