If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
