Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
