You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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