I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
