The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Drunk is not a location!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
