im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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