How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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