went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
