honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
