The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
