yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
