We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
