no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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