He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
