gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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