Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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