I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
