I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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