u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
