dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize