I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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