I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
