At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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