There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
