Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
