honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
