I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
