i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize