Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
