someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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