I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
