i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
foreskin is a definite game changer
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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