im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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