She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
