9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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