Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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