Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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