I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
