Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
