I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
