the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
