If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
