Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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