I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
