420 ftw
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
