I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
