yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize