that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I believe in your delicious
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
